I used to have a friend who was somewhat like this. She was constantly complaining about how she didn't like her body, and how she wanted to lose weight, and yet, she always had her mouth crammed full of McDonalds.

I didn't get it. She was always depressed about her body but she never attempted to do anything about it. Instead, she would try to make me feel guilty about the way i looked and how i was happy with myself.

It was frustrating to say the least. One time she was even determined to fatten me up just so she could feel better about herself, so she kept buying me food. Well.... her plan didn't work in making me fat...but i just went along with it to try to make her happy. Atleast i got some free food out of it :)

I think a lot of people figure if they exercise it gives them a licience to eat whatever they want.  When you are trying to eat healthy you really notice other people's bad choices.  I have been trying very hard to make good choices as far as food goes, but I think every once in awhile you have got to treat yourself to something decadent.

Thanks for your thoughts on this Lynne,

I've had a similar response friends from university. After I lost a ton of weight and started really trying to stay on the healthy eating wagon, my friends were always trying to force feed me beer and pizza - check out my post on 'Unhealthy Friendships'  -http://www.fitnessgear101.com/forums/thread/95268.aspx  - I can totally sympathize.

I think this was in some ways an attempt to make themselves feel better about their own food choices. You know, if I was joining in the pizza nosh, then it was obviously ok, but if not then I was made feel like a massive stick in the mud.

I'm not saying I ditched the friends, I'm just saying that I don't dine out with certain friends anymore because of the way they make me feel. The comments about my food choices - like its frowned upon when I choose to order say the grilled salmon instead of the cheeseburger and poutine.

I wholeheartedly agree with Kim on this one!

When I started my weight loss battles with food, I was at first totally stingent, but found that this took the fun out of it. Would I never enjoy a piece of pecan pie again? If so, what was the point?

After a while I decided to incorporate a cheat meal into my weekly eating plan - similar to Bill Phillip's Body for Life approach. I really respect the way his "lifestyle" program educates people on healthy vs unhealthy eating habits. If you check out the Body for Life website you can see what I mean. In the sample weekly meal plans - http://www.bodyforlife.com/nutrition/mealplan.asp - there is always a free day, so the participant is permitted to eat anything they want for the entire day - pancakes with maple syrup for breakfast, pizza for lunch, lasagne and cheesecake for dinner - basically whatever you want. This approach goes a long way to "reward" the people who comply with the healthy meal plan all week, and trust me after eating a day of "junk" your body will be totally reminded of why you no longer eat that way on a regular basis.

I honestly can only incorporate one cheat meal into my weekly meal plan, because an entire day of junk food would totally put my body out of comission - lol.

Do you know what I mean?

I agree with Kim and Anna as well. Although I am not so much into the exercise, I do try my best to eat healthy. I got to the point where I didn't like the way my belly hung over my jeans, so in April of 2005 I joined weight watchers and after one year (there was some cheating involved) I lost 23-pounds, now all I have to do is find an exercise routine I enjoy. The one I seem to like the most  is pilates. Now I just need to get into the routine of doing it on a more regular basis. I will have to say some of the best motivation is when someone asks the question "have you lost weight?" The best thing that I think anyone can do to stay motivated is hang out with people with the same goals, and demand support from those you love.

Congratulations on losing 23-pounds, and sticking to Weight Watchers Jen!

I applaud the folks at Weight Watchers for creating what I like to call a "lifestyle transformation" instead of a "diet". What I mean by that is that Weight Watchers teaches its clients proper portion control and "conscious eating" through their points system. The WW points plan isn’t' a "diet" that lasts until a person loses the weight, and then they're free to go back to their bad habits. I’m always glad to hear that clients of mine that are on WW program, because I’m confident they’re learning how food effects they're bodies and how to make good vs. bad food choices. At least when you "cheat" on WW (as you mentioned in your post), you know that in fact you have made a naughty food choice that effects your calorie intake for the day. The tragedy with many overweight individuals is that they don't know enough about healthy vs. unhealthy foods to make any conscious food choices at all. Knowledge is your best weapon against the bulge!

You also make an excellent point about having someone ask you "have you lost weight?" It's more motivation then money can buy, and more of a reward then a slice of chocolate heaven. Knowing that people - especially loved ones and friends - noticed my weight loss progress was one of the prime factors that encouraged me to keep it up, and continue to say no to poor food choices. It was my mother (who is never one for giving compliments by the way) who first pointed out that I had lost weight. And let me tell you, having a woman that is tight with the compliments pay me one, was all I needed. It said to me that I accomplished this goal - without the help of weight loss gimmicks, pills and fad diets, and it forced me, a person who never acknowledged my own successes, to take notice, give myself the proper kudos, and take time to allow myself to feel good about it.

Many people don't realize that as overweight individuals shed body fat, they’re simultaneously building up their confidence. I know I don’t speak for everyone, but I sure speak for myself when I say that. Living for years as an overweight child, I always shied away from eating in front of people because I thought they would make comments. I also constantly felt when I entered a room that all people saw was that I was fat. All these negative feelings about me had built up over the years, and steamrolled my self-confidence. It was only when I started losing weight that I was finally able to look a stranger in the face, go out to eat at a restaurant with co-workers, or strike up a conversation with someone new at a social gathering.  

You’ve lost weight and earned an education in conscious eating, and I’m so glad to hear that you’ve found an activity you like in Pilates. I again encourage you to seek out the like-minded who will foster your interest in this truly beneficial form of exercise. Start with Pilates Insight, it was voted one of the Top 10 Best Pilates resources on the Internet, and offers a comprehensive introduction as well as some excellent articles on the benefits Pilates offers your body, mind and spirit. Another excellent Pilates source for those just getting used to the moves is Easy Vigour,  a website that features a free and comprehensive online guide of Pilates exercises, complete with pictures.

I can't help think that anyone's eating selections, healthy or otherwise, should be pressured on anyone.  Food selection and lifestyle is a personal choice and no one should look up or down their noses at anyone who is living their own life. Chubby friends aren't necessarily trying to make you fat...it's not a conspiracy...but maybe they do enjoy food and your company when you're around.  We really aren't THAT jealous of you health buffs.

I have recently lost a lot of weight and I really hate hearing people comment on it...tell someone they look great, leave the weight comment out...otherwise you're saying...hey, glad you lost weight, NOW you look good.  People who comment on weight loss often belittle when they are trying to provide encouragement. It's especially tough to hear it from someone who has always been thin and doesn't know how it feels to be truly overweight. If you've never been called fat in your life, you can't possibly understand. So if someone is making an effort to be healthier, let them travel that journey without the rah rahs, few will appreciate it and most will resent it.

Don't offer opinions or advice unless asked.

I don't agree with Missy at all.

I need to loose weight badly. I know it, my doctor told me my health was in danger...even my kids know it. I started a walking program a little over 2 months ago and joined Weight Watchers. I'm proud to say I've lost about 10-pounds so far.

I've been overweight for all of my life, but now when my friends say "wow, you look great!" I'm happy and proud. I don't feel "belittled" like Missy. Actually it  motivates me to keep going. Without that encouragement and  acknowledgement from my kids asking me every week, "how many pounds have you lost this week mom?" I know I wouldn't be working as hard at it.

Thank goodness I have them offering their opinions. Sure, it's my life I can eat and not exercise if I want, but I care what my kids think about me.

Actually Stasha...
What I said was that comments do not have to be automatically tied to weight loss.  Caring what the people who are important to you think, and who have a vested interest in your health (like your family) is different than having people in the lunch room hint at what you should and shouldn't choose to eat (healthy or otherwise) as an adult who is responsible for their own choices. Comments to a size 16 woman, formerly a 20 by a tiny coworker don't need to include "look at you skinny minnie" or "you're just shrinking to nothing"... seems a little over dramatic and condescending don't you think? That's what I meant by the Rah Rahs.

I'm glad you're proud of your progress, but it gets tiring hearing "you look good, have you lost weight?" 5 times a day for the next year. I'd rather hear "you look great today" or  "I like your new outfit!"

People are not bad/ ugly as a result of being over weight! Being an overweight person, I constantly have people telling me I could be such a beautiful girl if only I lost weight. This is one of the most offensive things anyone has ever had the gall to suggest. I can only be beautiful if what? If I lost 100 lbs?

What about all my accomplishments? My intelligence? The person I see when I look in the mirror? I think the fact that Weight Watchers has worked for you Stasha is wonderful. Congratulations on all of your success! However don't berate someone for choosing to eat the foods they do. There is a difference in accepting and pointing blame. It's a thin line which everyone needs to be considerate of.

I agree with Missy, your friends are not in a conspiracy against you....they want to see you succeed. Just because someone is over weight or even obese doesn't mean they're out to get you! I can't make you eat a hole pizza or chuck back six beers. At the end of the day maybe you should be looking in the mirror at the person responsible for what you've done.

Thanks for putting in your opinions ladies, and I’m sure even though your points of view differ, most readers would agree that each and every one of you have made very valid points.

When it comes down to it I think this back and forth between you proves one thing - your self image is just that, it's your own and no one else's. I do find it unfair when comments are made about a person ordering say a Big Mac depending on the person’s weight. I ran into this myself as an overweight child, then as a chubby teen and adult.

I agree with Missy that a person’s food selections are a personal choice, and no one should judge another person’s lifestyle choices. That’s very true. However I can also see Stasha’s point. She consciously decided to lose weight for her health and for her children, because, by the sounds of her post, her doctor was telling her that her lifestyle was detrimental to her future…and please correct me if I’m wrong here Stasha.

If you go back to the beginning of this Blog post, you’ll notice that I’m talking about a client who has consciously made the decision to lose weight, I would assume so as she’s told me this is her goal, and she’s coming to the gym and asking for the assistance of a personal trainer. Then she’s going out immediately afterwards and making poor food choices. This is fine and dandy if you understand the consequences, because as Alex says in her post “At the end of the day maybe you should be looking in the mirror at the person responsible for what you've done.” The problem is this particular client wasn’t doing that. She has expressed her desire to lose weight. She’s coming to the gym and busting her butt during her workouts to loose weight. Then she’s counteracting those efforts by making those poor food choices.

Alex is exactly right, as long as you take ownership for your actions – good for you, do what you like - no judgments. However when you express a goal, put half of your effort into it, and then complain when you don’t achieve it – there’s something wrong there. This client knows how eating certain foods are going to affect her goal – and it’s her goal, no one else’s goal. Yet she’s still doing it consistently and then complaining that she’s not losing weight. Alex is right, the food choices are her responsibility – hers and hers alone. That’s why it troubles me to hear her say “I don’t know why I’m not loosing weight!” when she knows exactly why.

I’m thrilled to hear that so many people who read my website are strong, intelligent and self-assured women – regardless of age, race, weight, social status…etc. This is the kind of reinforcement that young girls need to be exposed to, so they know that they don’t have to look like movie stars in order to be valued as individuals.

This string wasn’t meant in any way to be a comment on body type. What it was meant to be was a comment on making conscious food choices. Like I said, as long as you know how your food choices will affect you, and you’re willing to take ownership of that – all the power to you!